The Forgotten Key to Decluttering

Most people buy things for their expected utility.

For example, I may buy a pair of jeans to replace a pair that has worn out. I buy gasoline for my car as that is the propellant for the car (and thus me) to move around the city. I buy books for their potential knowledge or entertainment value contained within. And everyone buys food since they require it to survive.

I’m not here to argue what the utility of a given purchase is. A painting may not have practical utility like a hammer, but its utility is in the decoration of a wall or giving you something pleasing to look at when you’re in the room.

Similarly, there should be a evaluation of utility when it comes to decluttering and disposing of stuff. For example, broken items should be disposed of properly. However, most of the items we want to dispose of are fully functional – be it a pair of jeans or a painting. And letting go of something that is fully functional is a little bit harder to deal with.

To resolve this potential issue, there is one crucial element to determining if an item has to go: your emotional attachment to that item.

It’s much harder to let go of something you have an emotional attachment to compared to something that you don’t.

The best example of this is when I was a kid. I was one of those kids in the mid-1980′s that had an original Cabbage Patch Doll (the ones that parents fought over in the aisles of Toys ‘R Us). And it would travel with me all of the time. Even though I knew it was a toy back then, it was one of my friends. It had quite a bit of my attention at the time. And it would travel with me everywhere. Not to school of course, but on vacations. This in of itself probably proves I wasn’t a normal boy growing up, but that’s not the point of the entry.

Some time later – I want to say a year or two – it wouldn’t be around me all of the time. I was more interested in other things, whatever a nine-or-ten-year-old boy would normally get into. It was probably Legos, but that’s not important. Over the years it would sit in a corner at my father’s house until, one day, it was probably donated. I honestly don’t remember what happened to it, but I distinctly remember not having it by the time I was a teenager.

If I would have had to let go of that Cabbage Patch Doll six months after I received it, I would not have been a happy camper. Likewise, if you try to remove something a kid is playing with, the kid will likely scream and throw a tantrum. But over time, the emotional connection lessons. Give the kid a couple of hours (okay, a couple of weeks) and then ask why they’re not playing with a specific toy as they were previously. They might have moved to a something else entirely, and they may have a good reason for it, but they may not be able to give an objective answer. Their possessive attributes towards what they were playing with previously will have likely dissipated entirely.

This isn’t limited to kids either. I had a shortwave radio I received for Christmas when I was 13 or 14. I used to spend all hours in my teenage years listening to the BBC, Deutsche Welle, Voice of America and a few other stations coming out of Europe. But after high school I had to focus on my studies in college. The working world soon followed after college. Every time I pulled the radio out of my closet since I turned 18, I thought I could spend time listening to it to rekindle what it was like back when I was a kid. But I did not get rid of it until recently because of my experiences and prior attachment to it.

How to Handle the Emotions When Decluttering

There are a few tips to handle emotions during the process of decluttering and letting go.

First, recognize that there will be emotions present. Most times the emotions attached to something will be minimal but that isn’t always the case.

Second, it’s important to know what emotions are possible. Sometimes holding something like a yearbook will bring moments of joy and wonder as you leaf through it. Other objects may bring back anger – think of jewelry given to you by an ex. Or perhaps disappointment or frustration like a $200 pair of jeans that you used to wear out on the town but perhaps are a little worn or a size too big or small.

Third, remember that you have an emotional threshold that needs to be met in order to keep something or let it go. So-called “pack rats” tend to have a low emotional threshold to keeping something; an extremely high standard needs to be met to get rid of something if there is one. In extreme cases, there are other significant emotional issues involved; witness the people depicted in the TV series “Hoarders” as an example¹. A minimalist may have a high threshold to keeping something and therefore can let go of physical stuff easier.

Finally, always consider your emotions when decluttering. When I declutter, I briefly ask myself if it’s okay to let go of what I’m holding in my hands. If I get back a lot of feelings, that means I need to process them before I can let go. Some feelings may be painful experiences of the past; that makes it easier to let go. In some cases where it’s borderline, I may need to talk it out with myself or even someone else first. In any case, the best judge of keeping something or letting go of something is you.

Keep in mind that this process isn’t anything to beat yourself up over. Some days you may want to keep everything, and sometimes you want to throw it all out right away. Any emotionally-charged days are not good days to declutter. Instead, keep an open detached mind when you clean so you can witness what emotions come up and deal with them in the best manner possible.

So the next time you are cleaning out your closets, keep your emotions in mind when you’re throwing stuff away for disposal or for donating. You may be surprised at what you’re still holding on to.

¹Side note: does anyone else see the irony in offering a DVD set of episodes of Hoarders?

image credit: brigleb